Revitalizing Human Connection in Cut-Throat Times

By Judy Bradt

Fight or Flight: Which One’s Right? Maybe Neither!When business cycles make us feel uneasy, we feel threatened. Typically, we either prepare to meet the challenge, or withdraw.  Even if we perceive ourselves to be in a male-dominated business culture, the metaphor, language and images of war and sport, battlefield and competition, surround us. Those ideas, words and pictures can leave us poised on the brink of fight-or-flight before we even think about whether we’ve got any other choices.

We’ve got so many ways to connect  --  voicemail, email, texting, fax;  landline, cell phone, PDA and probably mental telepathy. Downside:  we’re assaulted by offers ranging from the unwanted to the unspeakable. To just function, we’ve got to spam filter and call-screen. Even in good times, we try to keep out everything – and everyone -- but the essential.

When times are tougher, that pattern of isolation can be hard to break. But think of it this way: amidst that distraction, the most precious thing of all has become our undivided attention.  Personal, face-to-face time is fixed: the day has only 24 hours. So personal contact has never been more powerful!  How will you use your power?

Doing What Comes Naturally
You may have seen women as more naturally inclined to work together, to help each other. Certainly we share personal confidences on life’s most intimate adventures, including our loves, our bodies, and our children, as well as our career experiences. Thousands of women gather to support each other every minute of the day, from the informal traipse to the ladies’ room to the formal standing ovation we offer in salute to women community leaders who inspire and support us.

(Hey, and just maybe this week you feel like you know more of the ones Madeleine Albright had in mind when she proposed the "… special place in hell for women who don't help other women." )

It’s not just your imagination.  Researchers from Dr Barbara Annis and Dr Deborah Tannen to Dr Louann Brizendine all noted the natural tendency women have to connect, to create rapport, to support each other through stories and shared experiences.  Now is a great time to honour that gift. The Two-Part Challenge: Look Out, Then Join In
First, consider looking outward rather than inward. Sure, times may be tough. But get out of your head for a minute. Who else is having a rough time in your community – among your neighbours, in your business association, your church, your kids’ school? Next time you’re there, stop a moment longer than you usually do.  Really listen to what people are saying – and what they’re not. Now, join in. What can you do to help? Look at their faces. Who looks and sounds like they could use a little compassion? Spend a few minutes with someone you don’t usually talk to. Ask them what’s going on with them. Don’t worry that you might not have advice or money or contacts. Then just listen with sympathy and without judgment or criticism. Even if you think you can offer nothing material of value, you are bringing that most priceless thing of all: the gift of being truly present, and listening with your whole self. 

If a few too many days feel like you’re fighting the tide, take a break. Beyond spending time kvetching over coffee, get right out of the office and do some good for somebody else for a change. Volunteer for a shift at a food bank or meal shift at a shelter…and don’t wait for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Struggling to balance work and family? Consider taking the kids, too.  That can get your whole family thinking about things with a lot more gratitude.

Why Bother? Simple Human Kindness AND Good Business.
Studies have shown that companies who maintain or increase their marketing expenditures in tough times perform more strongly when the economy is on the upswing again than competitors who cut promotional budgets.Why? For one thing, CEO’s surveyed had a more positive perception of suppliers who had faith in their firms even when the going got tough. What’s the lesson for human connection? Easy.
We are instinctively drawn to people of generous spirit, who want to help the communities around us. They literally light the room. You can be one of those people. It has nothing do to with the size of your chequebook.  The goodwill we generate creates a sense of abundance that vanquishes the sense of scarcity.  In your business associations, networks community, look for the chance to help. Give of your precious time. What you put out there comes back to you when you give with generous intention.Try it out for yourself. Next time you’re at an event, as you watch and listen to the people around you, who are the fundamentally generous people?  What make them so? It might be anything from the small courtesy of opening a door, or easing into a conversation with someone new by asking, “Tell me, who’s a good prospect for you? How can I help you build YOUR business?”Second, look for business allies. Whose offerings complement yours? How could you promote each other and create mutual referrals? Better yet, what kind of a bundled offering could you come up with? Could you sell more together than you could alone?Where To Begin
Start with your heart. Do you honestly believe there’s enough business for everyone, even when there are storm clouds on the horizon and sales are slowing?  Or do you actually think that competition is cut-throat, and your neighbour’s win is your loss?

How hard would it be to find ways to join forces in common cause rather than go it alone? Imagine the positive change we would make in our lives, in our businesses, and in our communities by treating challenging times as a call to come together.

Judy Bradt , The Smart Woman’s Guide to Government Contracts, is Principal of Summit Insight LLC (www.summitinsight.com; blog at www.sell2usgov.com) in Washington DC.  As author and expert consultant, she offers her clients business strategies for government contracts made easier.